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In an effort to keep Tulane students more in touch with this year’s election, The Vox decided to reach out to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to make a contribution to one of our articles. At first, she talked about doing an AMA, but in the end she reluctantly agreed to our idea of the following advice column.

 

My poli sci class is having a mock debate next week. Any tips?

- Jack R. (Sophomore)

Thanks for the question, Jack. Every once in a while, look knowingly at the camera as if to say: “Yes, he is a major party candidate” and pretend you’re on The Office.

 

In all seriousness, all you need to do is some light preparation in the days leading up to the debate. For instance, if you will be debating environmental issues, it would be beneficial to check out some library books about climate change. Maybe talk to your friends who study environmental science. Get your argument delineated and organized and then you’ll be ready to have a practice debate. Ask a friend to stand in for your opponent so you can practice in a realistically simulated environment. Have him study and perfect your opponent's mannerisms, his style of speech, his talking points. Try to go the extra mile and don’t let him break character at all, even when you’re not around. The method acting route has always been the most effective in my experience. You’ll also probably want to replicate the atmosphere of the debate setting: Will the temperature of the room be warm or cold? What will the moderator be wearing? A wool coat? A cashmere sweater vest? What is the decor of the room? Mid-Century Modern? Traditional Scandinavian? All of these things can drastically affect the outcome of your debate, so make sure you do, at a minimum, these quick preparations and you’ll be great! Best of luck!

 

How would you survive the clown apocalypse?

- Ken B. (Senior)

Well, I think we’d all agree that I’ve had my fair share of experience with clowns, or at least one in particular, in my 30 years of service. So I think I’d do pretty well for myself should there ever be a clown apocalypse. I’d probably look for the clowns’ weaknesses. Maybe they can’t show their faces in public without makeup on, or maybe their oversized suits slow them down when they try to run, or maybe they shouldn’t even be running in the first place. Actually, now that I think about it, I’d probably survive the Donald’s apocalypse too.

 

Recently, there has been lots of talk on campus about homicidal clowns. As someone with family,  in the clown industry, I have found many of these remarks to be extremely insensitive. How would you suggest I go about stopping this?

- Penny W. (Sophomore)

Thanks for the question, Melanie. It’s an important one that needs to be addressed. Clowning has been an integral part of our society for hundreds of years and I’ve always fought for their rights to be upheld. That is, until I saw the classic TV miniseries based on Stephen King’s It. I’ve been afraid of shower drains ever since and anything that can drive someone to that level of irrational fear is not something I can support. I know now that you and your relatives are unnecessary fear mongers who hide behind layers of stage makeup. I suggest you get out of your family situation while you still can.

 

Hillary, I hate going to work when I’m sick, but you really inspired me. How do you beat the Freshman Plague?

- Maria G. (Freshman)

Cough drops, Maria. And NyQuil...and the knowledge that it’s not pneumonia and you’re not running for President.

  

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