The plight of hipsters everywhere.

Around Tulane’s campus (and even at the station) there has been a recent increase in the amount of Tulane’s most distinctive individuals: the hipsters. More and more students have been buying “Fjallraven Kanken” backpacks and drinking berry flavored La Croix.

As anticipated, the hipster population deems cigarettes to equate to intellect and originality. Most prevalently, the all-natural American Spirits are what is the hottest side purchase at the Boot Store. Is it their keen packaging and variety of colors, or perhaps the fact that they promote recycling?[1] In fact, many students have suggested that the difference between purchasing American Spirits versus Marlboro Reds is the very fact that Spirits are inherently and scientifically more hip. Also, Marlboro Reds can kill you.

Yet recent studies have shown that American Spirits, though “natural” and “organic” in their construction, have both tobacco and nicotine in them that are just as deadly and addictive as any other cigarette brand. Surgeon General[2]  has claimed that “additive-free” does not offset lethalness. Appalled, students around Tulane have entered the first stage of grief: denial.

 

“I only smoke when I’m drunk. So I don’t have a problem.”  -Becky S.

 “It’s not bad if you don’t inhale.” -Sam F.

“I’m going to die anyway.” -Kayla B.

“There’s no additives though?” -Beth L.

“I’m going to quit before I’m 25.” -Michael T.

“I only smoke on the way to class… oh shit, that’s everyday.” -Leo R.

 

[1] (Earth is literally dying; have you taken Urban Political Ecology?)

[2] (Does anyone know who that actually is?)